crappy pop music: a whole new generation of terrible

the experience: KIIS FM, a top 40-playing la-based radio station that is heavy on all things hip, current and pop. they usually play the type of music with thumping beats and filthy lyrics that i only hear when i'm out and forced to mingle with the masses.

then: KIIS FM used to be my favorite radio station. do you remember how awesome pop music was in the late 90's? from britney and christina to one shitty boyband after another, during my junior and senior year of high school, my musical tastes gravitated, um, rather intensely toward this brand of so-sweet-it'll-make-your-teeth-hurt musical confection. from sunup to sundown, i probably knew, and sang along with loud and proud, every song this radio station played. i wore my boyband obsession proudly, and as such, KIIS FM was my ultimate source when it came to all things hip, hoppin' and overtly idiotic.

i have a very vivid memory of being 16 or 17 and sitting on the floor in my bedroom, next to my BOOM BOX (um hello, 90's), eagerly listening to "jo jo on the radio's top 5 at 9," during which the five most popular songs of the day/week/month (admittedly, my understanding of how these top five songs were selected is nonexistent) were played, and we idiotic listeners were expected to fawn over the musical stylings of lyrical geniuses like cher and sixpence none the richer. i sat there, waiting with baited breath for the announcement that my beloved BSB would secure a spot in this top five. yet it gets worse: i actually spent time recording these radio segments, for some inexplicable reason thinking i would one day want to listen to a radio broadcast from 1999 during which the backstreet boys proved their superiority over n*sync.

at the risk of spoiling the reveal of this re:experience, allow me to say this: i have never, nor will i ever, listen to my taped re-memory of BSB-awesome.

now: these days, my radio listening is 99.86% devoted listening to public radio. of course, my ipod is really what keeps my commute non-stabby, so it was somewhat of an aberration when i decided to give the ol' radio a try and stumbled upon KIIS FM and jo jo's top 5 at 9. admittedly, i only listened to two songs. i had never heard either of them before in my life, had no idea who sang them, and reeeeeelly didn't like them.

not only do i not know a single hip/hot/current-in-mainstream-culture song, but i am soooooo ok with that. don't get me wrong; i'm certainly no musical snob (nor could i ever claim to be one based on the aforementioned bsb obsession and the inherent discrediting that comes along with that), but OMG popular music today is terrible and makes my ears bleed. i can't tell the difference between the jonas brothers and justin beiber, and frankly, the only thing i know about the latter is that he looks like a lesbian.

in an attempt to get a better understanding of what "the kids" are listening to these days, i visited the KIIS FM website, where part of me died when i discovered that one of my favorite songs is on heavy rotation currently. yes, i think i'm too cool to like something on this shit-tastic radio station.

the re:experience: it's official: I'M OLD. at the ripe old age of 28, i've come to terms with the fact that i'm basically morphing into a (cooler and queerer) version of my parents every day. when i was 17 and adored every crooning note out of the divine nick carter's mouth, my parents rolled their eyes, likely thinking, "what the fuck is this crap?" how did i become so too-cool and such a superior person within a decade? age, my friends, is a frightening motherfucking bitch. i may not be able to identify a miley cyrus song, or even a contemporary of hers with whom i can compare her for the sake of this blog, but i know i don't like her. i know her music is terrible. i know that it makes me want to stab myself in the ears. i know that she looks like a ho. but that's about it. now i'm an adult, and as such, my musical tastes are refined and distinctive and sophisticated.

but britney's my homegirl, i KTBSBPA (in case you were wondering (which you clearly are because no one knows what the fuck this stands for unless you were once psycho like me), this stands for "keep the backstreet boys pride alive," and was my teenage password for EVERYTHING (go ahead, try logging into my AOL account)), and anyone who knows me knows that i have a serious soft spot in my heart for all 90's music. however, i can't help but wonder what my musical tastes would've looked like were i a teenager in 2010, when music is not only soooo much better, but also so much more prolific and available thanks to new media outside the realm of jo jo's top 5 at 9. i like to think i would've made better choices, but let's face it: i'd be the leader of the miley for life fan club.

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